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TRP: Azriel and Larkin (Honest)
JEN: '''at 11:36 AM Day 217, Jasmilia's manor. After Jasmilia vanishes. "Larkin," he said, "we need to talk." Ah, fuck. Larkin almost had a mind to keep walking, to ignore Azriel, but his voice and the tone in it made her stop against her will. She took a breath, cracked her neck, then glanced at him over her shoulder. He had a look on his face she couldn't quite place. Reluctance? Maybe he had a favour to ask. Awkward, considering the way their last talk had ended. Or he needed to vindicate himself for showing up like this, in the middle of the night. I wasn't following you. I was just here because of my sister. Or even, I had my reasons to fucking ditch you like I did, please don't stab me. Yeah, that probably. Sounded about right. Whatever it was, it was going to spill out of him in a moment, in many, many words. '''IZZY: '''at 11:53 AM He faltered immediately. He had partially expected her to simply ignore him, he supposed, or tell him off. But she didn't say anything, and that was worse. He glanced around awkwardly, then stepped towards the room adjacent to the one he had been watching the child in, with the others. "In here?" he suggested. "For privacy." Another time he might have made a crack about her wanting to stab him discreetly, but -- not now. '''JEN: '''at 12:06 PM That was... not what Larkin had expected. He also didn't act like she'd expected. There was no trace of pretense there, not even the mock facade he put up to humor her, even though he must know she saw right through the bullshit. Fuck, how she missed it. Larkin had begun to scowl but only now realized it, so she wiped it off her face. She glanced at the room, torn between staying here, where she could just storm off, or going in there and being alone with Azriel. She ached to, Mask knew. But then she'd have to be so close to him, physically, without the possibility of them touching, or... well, fuck. Stupid nonsense. God, if it wouldn't be so obvious, she'd let her nails dig into her palms. Instead, she clenched her jaw and brought out a clipped "Okay," then followed him into the room. She'd just stand by the door. It would be fine. '''IZZY: '''at 12:13 PM Again, he'd half expected to just be denied. Ah, this also made it worse somehow. She was willing to speak with him; she didn't hate him. That meant he'd really hurt her, because she'd really fucking liked him. (Poor choice on her part, really.) Mask. He led the way, but didn't close the door, letting it be her choice whether she wanted to be that ... intimate. It was just a closed door, but still. He felt vulnerable, having left his viol behind, but he was still dreadfully sure she wasn't going to harm him. She hadn't come for him in the night with daggers glimmering in the moonlight, perched outside his window like a sleek and deadly alley cat. Mask, he even found her appealing when he was thinking about her murdering him. He cleared his throat and glanced at the floor, which he was still dripping onto slightly, and then looked back up to her. "I really was worried for you, you know. I didn't mean to shout, before, I just thought that you were in danger and -- I panicked, somewhat." Without thinking about it, he reached up to brush his fingers across the ragged edge of his broken horn, pushing his sodden hair back. '''JEN: '''at 12:19 PM Larkin took a moment to glance at the open door, then at his face, then quickly away and at the wall behind him. He'd panicked? For her? Like he fucking cared, and maybe he did. Had seemed like he'd had feelings for her, too, that day; hadn't meant anything either, though. Or... not enough. "Okay," Larkin said again, looking for the door again, feeling flighty as if she was doing something illegal here. "That all?" '''IZZY: '''at 12:30 PM "Hm." He grimaced. It could be. If she didn't want to have this conversation. He didn't fucking want to make guesses, though. "No, I'm afraid it's a preamble to a much longer thought." He took a breath. "I, ah. Hm. Mask, I've thought about this a lot and I'm still fumbling for the words," he complained. "That's the effect you have on me, you know? You render me speechless. It's frankly terrifying, not knowing what to say, or -- well, I know what to do, most times, but that's fucking frightening as well, because it's instinct, and the instinct was supposed to have been trained out of me." He was aware that he was babbling, and that it wasn't attractive. "Ah, I sound as though I'm blaming you," he realized. "For -- being how you are. I'm not, love -- I mean, ah. Mm. You probably don't want ... "Fuck, here's the thing, Larkin, is that I'm far from a fucking expert on the situation, but I'm decently sure that I'm in love with you, and that's what I'm fucking scared of." He wrapped his arms around himself to try to make himself feel less ... vulnerable, torn open. "You actually make me feel very -- certain and safe, but I'm unaccustomed to feeling that way, and it terrifies me, and I tend to flee from things that terrify me. I'm -- I'm so sorry that I hurt you with my cowardice." '''JEN: '''at 1:12 PM Larkin was ready to scoff at his self-righteous explanations and turn away but something kept her anchored there. And then he said he loved her. And Larkin felt her knees go weak, stupid, treacherous things, and she raised a hand to clutch at the doorframe. Mask. What the fuck. Everything ached, her chest, her stomach, and all she wanted was to fling herself at Azriel and make him shut the fuck up. She didn't, though. She stood frozen, feeling a hot stinging in her eyes but not bothering to wipe them. She grit her teeth against the longing, because fuck, as much as she wanted to just handwave everything and wallow in being loved (God. Fuck.), there was still the thorn Azriel had put in her by running away. And he'd not pulled it out, he'd just jiggled it a bit. Under the hurt and her efforts to snuff out any feelings for Azriel there simmered her anger, and Larkin felt it boiling to the surface. "Are you?" She snapped, "You took that long to realize for a reason or were you just working on your fucking speech? 'cause you could've told me that some fucking weeks ago." '''IZZY: '''at 1:28 PM Ah, yes, that was very fair. He looked down, again, for a moment, shamed. "I -- yes, it --." He kept struggled for words. Dreadful. "When I found out you were a Basha, you know, I -- well, I already -- loved you, I suppose, but I had thought that ... eventually my life would return to normal, and there would be no place for you when I returned to Moorland, so I didn't allow myself to acknowledge the -- attachment." He could feel himself turning aubergine. "But if you're a Basha, then this could be some sort of ... real relationship, and I've never fucking had one of those before -- I liked a boy once, but he was below my status, and my mother had him disappeared, so I -- I simply don't. And I don't know how." He looked up to the ceiling. "And, Mask, then I thought, ah, she's going to kill me, and I deserve it, what a wretch -- but you didn't, and I realized that I must have ... hurt your feelings very badly, not just made you angry, and I felt terrible for it, and ... "Well, listen, actual romance and guilt and commitment are all fucking foreign and worrying to me," he said, meeting her eyes again. "I didn't know what to do. And then -- I thought about the Sanguines catching you, and breaking your horn, and then I wasn't afraid anymore and I did know what to do." '''JEN: '''at 1:59 PM "What to do?" Larkin grimaced and squeezed her eyes shut. "What to do was fucking kiss me. I told you that." She opened her eyes again and fixed on him, sneering. "Oh, and fucking good to know I was just a fucking fling to you for so long," she tried to keep the actual hurt she felt out of her voice, because it was way more than it should be. After all... he hadn't been more than a fling to her, either; in the beginning, anyway. Larkin wasn't sure when that had changed, and it felt weak to admit that it had at all. She snorted and shook her head sharply, already regretting she'd sayd that. Didn't fucking matter, and it... might push him away. He was coming closer, somehow, and the last thing Larkin wanted was Azriel to go away again. So before he could answer to that she said, "Listen- fuck. Okay, I don't... know about that shit either. Okay? But you don't see me running off because of it. We could've fucking- talked, or something like that. Fucking Basha and Melaine..." she gave a bitter laugh. "Look what's become of our families. Names don't matter one fucking bit now, do they? Azriel, I-" She shook her head again, looking down. "Is that," she waved at him weakly, "that what you do? You gonna keep running away from me or what? 'cause I'm not gonna take it." '''IZZY: '''at 2:13 PM "I'm not going to run away." It came out before he could even think about it. Instincts. "I ran all the way here, love." He edged a little closer to her. He -- he wanted to comfort her, somehow; hadn't wanted to upset her. He had been caught between thinking she didn't care for him, and thinking he cared too much for her, or that it might be the other way around, and -- if they just both loved each other, and their families didn't matter, then ... "You're right," he said quietly, "you're absolutely right, I should have listened to you. I should have kissed you and I should have talked to you, and I shouldn't have been afraid. But I'm not afraid any longer, Larkin, I just -- ah, Mask, I'm scared of losing you, that's all, but if you don't trust me and you want me to go, I understand. I'm not trustworthy, I'm a shady little bastard." He laughed humorlessly. "I'd very much like to be your shady little bastard, however." '''JEN: '''at 2:23 PM He took a step closer and Larkin gripped the dooframe again, like it was going to keep her from bolting- away or towards him, who knew. She scowled, throat closing up. Goddamn. "You think you're getting me back like that?" She said but it lacked bite. "Coming here and wooing me with your stammering and your self-deprecation, and your promises? Who's saying I ain't gonna stab you yet, huh?" '''IZZY: '''at 2:27 PM He came a little closer still. "You can if you like," he chanced. "Or I could get on my knees and beg." '''JEN: '''at 2:32 PM She snorted out a laugh, completely without her own volition. The image of him on his knees flickered through her mind and-god. Mask, help her, she was weak. Larkin bit her lip and forced the scowl back onto her face, staring at the floor because else she'd be staring at Azriel and then it would be impossible to keep acting angry. Acting? Fuck, she was. Her anger was just.... gone. Just like this. Fuck, the effect this man had on her. She was weak, weak, weak. "Begging? You think that's what I want?" '''IZZY: '''at 4:38 PM "Well ... I suspect it wouldn't hurt." He edged that much nearer. She didn't seem genuinely angry anymore, but still rueful, wounded perhaps. "Tell me what you want." He offered a little smile. "I promise I'll do it this time." '''JEN: '''at 11:56 PM "I want... " You to hug me. Kiss me. Hold me and tell me how you were gonna rip Wyn a new one. But that seemed too much to allow already. Seemed... too easy. He was just doing it for her name, Jasper had said. Roping her in with a show because that was what he did. Larkin was fairly certain she could tell what was fake with Azriel and what wasn't but- what if she was wrong? The doubt nagged at her and she edged away a bit, resenting the fact. "I want you to cut the crap with me. I- look. I love the act, I really do. I know it's what's been trained into you and I don't want you stop being you, but... you gotta be direct with me where it matters, alright? 'cause I ain't got lot of patience for that kinda bullshit." '''IZZY: '''at 12:18 AM "I -- I am." He felt that he must not sound sincere, no matter how hard he tried. He meant all of it; he'd beg if she liked; she had only to ask. But it seemed that if he said that, and dropped to his knees and grasped her hand, she would think it was an act -- and in complete fairness, those sorts of things typically had been, coming from him. But not with her. His smile wilted. She backed away. He wanted to make her laugh again. He wanted her to believe him, and he didn't know how to keep everything that came out of his mouth from sounding like bullshit. "I am," he repeated. "I'm being direct now. This is me being honest. I always will be, with you. Mask, I was when I ran away, I -- could have pretended I felt nothing, and plastered it over, and clearly fleeing the scene wasn't my best move," he admitted, "but it wasn't an act. I've trusted you since you stayed with me, that night I slept on the couch, when I was out of magic and you protected me. I don't ... I don't fuck with people I trust. Not on purpose, at any rate," he said softly, looking down. '''JEN: '''at 7:55 AM She made a desicion then, purely from her gut, because she couldn't just stand there and listen to this and not give in. He promised to not hurt her again like that, to be honest, but people promised a great deal to get what they wanted. Larkin didn't believe it. Well, she believed he meant it, yes. But would he be able to keep his promise? Doubtful. And yet... Mask, he was so fucking irresistible. "Okay," Larkin said softly and let go of the door frame. "Okay. I... uhm. I don't know what else to say. I guess... " She looked aside with a small, wry smile. "It's too late for me anyway. You got me trapped already." '''IZZY: '''at 12:06 PM He shifted a little, uncomfortable and -- sad, or something -- horrible -- because he didn't think she really believed him, still. And probably ought not; he'd admitted as much. He was a slippery bastard and she was a suspicious one, which made them an unlikely pair, he supposed, destined for unstability. He really fucking wanted to try anyway, though. "Well." He slipped closer to her again, and reached out to try to take her hand -- the one she'd finally let loose of the door frame with. "Shall I ... give you that overdue kiss, then, love?" '''JEN: '''at 12:14 PM She let him take her hand, pulling him in. God, yes. But... Larkin grinned and nudged Azriel to turn his back against a wall. "Shall I let you give it to me?" '''IZZY: '''at 12:19 PM Ah, this was better. He gave her a hopeful look, with big eyes and a small smile. "Yes, please?" '''JEN: '''at 12:20 PM Larkin made a stern face. "I think you owe me interest, too." '''IZZY: '''at 12:28 PM "Mm. Mmhm," he agreed, nodding, biting back his grin. "Indentured servitude may be appropriate. If ... you close and lock the door, I'm sure I could think of some other way for my lips to make it up to you." '''JEN: '''at 12:45 PM Her eyes grew wide for a moment, then, before she could think clearly about it, her hand had found the doorknob and pulled the door shut. "No lock," she said and pressed her back against it. They'd have to hold it closed. Quietly. '''IZZY: '''at 1:01 PM He gave a quiet, dramatic gasp and dropped his hands to her hips, then slipped them up under her shirt, just a tiny bit. "I suppose you'll have to keep your voice down when you're telling me what to do." '''JEN: '''at 1:13 PM "Hm, suppose so." Larkin put her hands around his waist and slid them down to the small of his back where she picked at his waistband. "And you be quiet when I..." '''She leaned in and whispered into his ear. O yes, if she did it right, there was no way he was going to stay silent. '''IZZY: '''at 1:29 PM END Title: Honest. Summary: Larkin and Azriel finally make up at the Baker Manor, then make out. Category:Text Roleplay